Gracie’s Life Experiment

I had a better night’s sleep last night (only woke up the once).  When I woke up in the morning I could vividly remember my dream.  There were actually 2 dreams.

1. We had 2 fish tanks and the fish kept escaping out of the tanks.  It was weird because the fish still seemed to be able to swim around outside of the tanks in the air (kind of like insects flying).  I kept catching them in my little net and when they were in the net they looked dead and drained of all their colour.  When I popped the fish back into the tanks they came back to life and colour!

2. I was at a small secluded beach and it had to little brightly coloured painted wooden houses right on the beach (kind of like Brighton changing huts but bigger single storey houses).  I put my clothes into a washing basket and left them next to my sister who was sunbathing on the beach while I went for a swim.  Suddenly the tide came in really fast and my clothes got wet.  I quickly got out of the water to rescue my clothes and the water receded back again just as quickly.  As we were packing up to go into one of the houses I noticed something that looked like a whitish clam 1/2 submerged on the beach and I dug it up to find it was a crab (that was upside down).  Then suddenly there were crabs coming out of the beach all over the place.  Funny thing was they were still alive but were all red/orange cooked colour!  Suddenly loads of people appeared on the beach and were digging up the crabs to eat them.  My sister was doing that too (I’m allergic to shellfish so I didn’t partake).  Then my brother came out of the beach house with a massive cooking pot and was all excited about having chilli crabs.  Then I woke up!

I had an afternoon nap and had yet another dream, this time I was showing someone how to put together a collapsible occasional table.  Weird!

Wonder what it could all mean? 

Summary of the day:  Had lots of strange dreams, Did a bit of PhD stuff, Played Zoo Tycoon, Made Pork in Yellow Bean Udon Noodles for dinner (yummy)

Now it’s officially June!  Weather still grotty.  Got up and dragged ourselves to church (I do want to go, but some mornings it is cold outside and I’m very tempted to hide under the covers).  Today’s talk was quite interesting.  It was the one about the wise man building his house upon the rock (Matthew 7:21-29).  Now we can understand the part about building our foundations in Jesus so that we aren’t swept away by the world and sin, but what was interesting was the preacher concentrated on the first part of the passage and about obedience.  It really spoke to me today - often I worry about the future, which I cannot predict, and pray for God to strengthen my faith and trust in Him.  But I guess there are 2 parts to that, we must also fulfil the faith he has put in us (to make our own decisions and come to Him) and part of this is through submission and obedience to God. 

Shrimp has been moving loads this weekend.  Particularly when I was sitting on the sofa watching Dr Who last night (think that the baby must be able to feel my heart rate increasing when it’s scary).

Summary of the day:  Went to church, Played laptops and snoozed all afternoon, Washing up again, Had a date at home (we played Rummikub, watched The Incredibles and ate popcorn).

We had a good purge of the loft today.  Amazingly we managed to clear out a whole bookcase worth of stuff.  Sifting through my degree stuff was quite an odd experience, I guess I haven’t needed to use any of the notes for between 11 and 6 years so it was time to get rid of them.  It was a little bit sad recycling them because I remember all that learning and cramming for exams (shame I don’t actually remember much of it now).  Also I note that my handwriting used to be far tidier then - I guess it must be because I hardly have to do any writing by hand these days (it’s all on them newfangled computers!!).  There was a range of Maths modules, Analogue and Digital Electronics, Circuit Theory, Mechanics, Computing, Programming (C++ and Java), Ergonomics, Systems, Computer Graphics, Aerodynamics, Avionics, Mobile Comms, Management stuff, Optics/Lasers, Formal Methods (hmm don’t think I must have paid much attention in this module as most of my notes seem to have been graffitied), and a whole pile of different lab experiment write ups.  It’s weird to think that I used to know so much about these topics yet today I think I could only really recall maybe about 25% of the Maths, the Systems and the Ergonomics stuff.  I don’t know when this knowledge fell out of my head (prob about 2 mins after the last exam or coursework was done, I suspect) but wouldn’t it be strange if you could pin point when information was overwritten!

Hubby did the same with his Physics notes too.  Now we have over 20 old lever arch files which we have duly put onto Freecycle. Also hubby found a few random things to add to freecycle including an old Russian B&W photographic development kit (circa 1970s), loads of old VHS videos and a clunky JVC video player that is about 20 years old and still works!!

Summary of the day:  Had a nice lie in, Purged/decluttered, Washing again, Had tea with some friends who visited, Went food shopping, Washing up again (for the 3rd time in 24 hrs), Hoovered

Today was exactly as Friday’s should be.  Woke up and was happy as hubby has landed his ideal job in Oz starting in Jan cos his new school is willing to wait for him (hurray we won’t be penniless, or should that be centless when we emigrate).  Plenty of time before work to clear away kitchen stuff and have a nice bowl of cereal.  Rocked into work around 9.30.  Got lots of 1/2 jobs done before lunch.  Pub lunch (mmm Griffin fishfinger sandwiches).  Sloth off back to work at 1.30pm.  Shut down, back up work folders onto external harddrive.  Enjoy shutting down PC knowing that there’s no work for 3 days (yay for Bank Holidays).  Bugger off by 2.30.  Get home and have a nap.  Give piano lesson.  Make simple pasta dinner.  Go round to friend’s house for drinking (no alcohol for me though), Sci-Fi TV and board games.  And EXCELLENT Friday!

Summary of the day: Was chilled

Today I gave my last lecture (well at least for the forseeable future).  I lecture in Human Reliability Assessment and today managed to again more or less recycle my lecture for the 3rd or 4th year running.   Think I must be getting better at explaining what I want them to do as the students didn’t look as confused this time.  It’s a bit sad as I really am on the wind down for maternity leave.  I will really miss doing the research and dealing with the students (even though I moan about it).  I’ll miss being “useful” and will be quite upset when I have to start my career all over again in Oz and have to build a reputation from scratch.  I’ve done it once, hopefully I CAN do it again.  It is a little depressing that I have worked 6 years and am now taking a career break just when everything is taking off and I was in the best position possible.  I’m giving it up willingly though it does make me feel a bit sad.  I’m sure in August once the baby is here then I won’t even think about it (or have time to think about it).

Summary of the day:  Gave 3 hr lecture, Met hubby and friend for lunch (10 mins late), Rushed off to student meeting (5 mins late), Rushed off to meeting with other researchers (30 mins late), Went home (early!!!), Had a nice warm bath, Relaxed

Started rewriting my personal website last night and continued this morning before work (v naughty - didn’t get in till after 10am).  I think I wrote my first website back in 2000.  I don’t think my programming skills have improved much but I am getting better at doing the graphics.  It’s not that I don’t have the skills, but I just haven’t had to program anything for so long I can’t even remember how to start (hang my head in shame)!!   My personal website was created in 2003, originally hosted on brinkster (cos it was free) and last updated in 2005 - hmm a bit out of date as it didn’t even contain stuff about our furry baby Mocha or the wedding!  Also it had… shock horreur… frames.  It’s funny how things go in and out of fashion.  When I was first learning about websites frames were very de rigeur, now they are shunned by almost everyone.  We have our own server at home now so I can load things up nice and quickly and if it breaks hubby will go hit it with a hammer (the official Physicist’s solution) I would prob Ctrl+Alt+Del and reboot.

Summary of the day:  Played with my website, Went to work, Printed out a whole tree’s worth of handouts (I have a lecture to give to 40 students tomoz), Caught up with emails, Lugged all the stuff home, Made an “interesting” potato gratin (somehow it baked for an hr and the potatoes were still a bit raw), Played with website again (doing the boring bit with all the photo galleries).

With all the life changes going on I thought it apt to do this week’s 10 things about possible things that I could do with my life.

1. Become a full-time housewife & mummy
2. As above but also become a “Lady Who Lunches”
3. Part-time lecturing at a Sydney university
4. Start a business working from home
5. Start my own consultancy
6. Do a diploma and become a piano teacher
7. Go back into industry and do the 9-5 grind
8. Do more paintings and sell them (hmm wonder if anyone would buy anything)
9. Become a sub-contractor in industry
10. Something completely new and different

I have no idea what I’m going to do. Have decided to give it a year off from when the baby’s born and then see what options I have. I may not want to go back to work, financially I may need to go back to work, I might be bored, I might not be bored. WHO KNOWS?

 Summary of the day:  Workshop all day long (yawn), Got kicked from inside all day long, Made mince n tofu for dinner, Did not a lot else!

I’m feeling a bit depressed today. Today work held presentation first stage interviews for a lecturer position that I could have applied for. Some were quite good but others were dire (really, 20 slides full of equations and nothing else… how was that ever going to be interesting)! All day all I got from people in Dept was that I should have applied, and why didn’t I apply and then they wouldn’t have had to go through this rigmarole. Yes, it did make me feel quite wanted and useful at work (and also a bit big headed), but it also made me feel quite sad because part of me kind of wishes that I could have applied. But what with the baby coming and emigrating to Australia it just wouldn’t have been fair to have applied. I don’t regret not applying, but I do wonder if I’ll look back at this crossroad in my life and wonder “what if?”. I know I would have made a good stab at being a lecturer (as I already do most of the job already) and maybe I might have been a Professor eventually - maybe it’s because I don’t really know what I want to do with my life. I know that God has something planned for me but it’s just painful at the moment to not know what it is when I am so close to what it could have been (I’m trusting in God now but it doesn’t mean I don’t worry). I wonder if I will be a good mummy, I wonder if I will feel satisfied being a housewife, I wonder if I will go back to work in a few years and be totally out of touch with everything. I’m having an identity crisis as I start to realise what a life change having a baby will be - I will go from being GracieK researcher and general font of all things (useful or otherwise!!!) to being GracieK mother supremo.  I guess most first time mothers who give up work probably feel the same and every mum wonders if they will be able to be good mummies. It’s just so scary that there’s a whole life that we could screw up if we don’t get things right (not that I’m expecting to be perfect).

Summary of the day: Sat through lots of presentations, Went out for quick pub lunch for Matt’s birthday, Went back for more presentations, Stayed late (on a Friday too) to discuss the candidates, Got home knackered, Made crock pot rice in the rice cooker again (found some home made char siu in the freezer left over from CNY), Uploaded Oz holiday photos

Today I was pondering our baby’s birth date.  It’s due 31st July.  I’m hoping it will come a week early as a. it would be a bit smaller and b. John breaks up for school summer holidays so we would get the maximum amount of time together before he goes back in September.  Although I’ve heard that first babies often come a week late, which if we’re lucky, our baby would be born on 08/08/08 which would be a highly auspicious date as the number “8″ is the luckiest in Chinese.  If that happened I think I’d send hubby out to buy a lottery ticket - ha ha!

Summary of the day:  Had the first of the student meetings this year, Had yet another model analysis meeting (we got to the stage where we’re just about ready to actually analyse stuff)

I was going to write about new year’s resolutions on Jan 1st, but thought I’d save them for 10 things Thursday instead.  So here are this year’s (I guess in a year’s time I’ll be able to look back and see how many have been kept).

1. Get into a tidying the house routine
2. Move to Australia in 2008
3. Lose weight/get in shape (lost 8kg last year, but got slack before Christmas)
4. Eat more fruit
5. Don’t nag John as much
6. Take Mocha for more walkies
7. Keep in touch with old friends better
8. Read the Bible more
9. Do less procrastinating
10. Play less on the internet/watch less TV (am totally square-eyed)

Summary of the day: Did some last minute Christmas present shopping (well, we haven’t visited the in-laws side of the family yet), Tried to sort out bank accounts, Felt very cold, Felt tired, Felt a bit sad (only 1 day of hol left).